LAB REPORTS

Browns 🐶

Jerry Jeudy - Couldn’t produce when he was literally the only WR on the team

Cedric Tillman - Only throws scissors in rock paper scissors (cut candidate)

KC Conception - Never gets sick because he can’t catch a cold

Meanwhile Denzel Boston: ⬇️

Steelers 😮‍💨

DK Metcalf: Rodgers hates him, eats skittles, lowkey 30, 78th separation score in 2025, lowest WR finish in 2025 since rookie year (WR26)

Michael Pittman: Broken Back, Colts trash, smells like an armpit

Pat Freiermuth: More like Fraudmuth, only 54 targets in 2025 and McCarthy scheme no good for TEs

Meanwhile Germie Bernard: ⬇️

Chiefs 🥱

Xavier Worthy - can’t move laterally, straight line underwear olympics merchant

Rashee Rice - schemed touches gadget guy, easily replaceable, loves jail

Tyquan Thorton - Mr. Bandaid - has made it through one training camp alive

Meanwhile Cyrus Allen: ⬇️

Giants 👀

Malik Nabers - No Knees, Scar Tissue, Mr. Double Surgery, aDOT went up to 15.9 in 2025. from 9.5 during freshmen breakout. 👀

Darnell Mooney - 3 out of past 4 season under 500 yards, 73 YAC ALL SEASON, never healthy

Calvin Austin - tiny boy, sacrificial X, occasional jet sweep

OBJ - Unc Status.

Meanwhile Malachi Fields: ⬇️

Commanders 💰

Terry McLaurin - Unc status, (31) TD Dependent, Big Play Pheen

Treylon Burks - First round bust, can’t separate, no long speed, thinks he’s OBJ

Jaylin Lane - Skinny mini, can’t block, gets pressed into a different galaxy

Meanwhile Antonio Williams: ⬇️

Saints ⚜️

Chris Olave - Concussion boy, bang ding ow

Devaughn Vele - broncos leftovers, 40 year old rookie, 0 production

Juwan Johnson - TikTok boy, getting replaced by Oscar Delp

Meanwhile Jordyn Tyson: ⬇️

Jones. 🤝

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