Sucks at Baseball List: AL Central Edition Part 2B

In 2A I discussed and break down the hitters of the AL Central who made the Sucks at Baseball List. Here I’ll dive into the SP of this division that you should be avoiding for that stretch run to the championship

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LFX OVERALL

By: The Lab

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In 2A I discussed and break down the hitters of the AL Central who made the Sucks at Baseball List. Here I’ll dive into the SP of this division that you should be avoiding for that stretch run to the championship

Greetings to my side kicks as the Fantasy Superhero brings you another edition of the Sucks at Baseball List: AL Central Edition Part 2B the pitchers. Now in the hitters article I defined some of the advanced statistics I used in my first article and in the hitters article. I told you what they are and what they measure and I will be doing the same in this article before diving into the pitchers on the list. Here we go:

xBA- is the same for pitchers as it is for hitters in that it measures the likelihood a batted ball becomes a hit. Basically how often are these pitchers giving up hits. So for a pitcher a low xBA is excellent because it means opposing batters are rarely making high-probability contact against them.

xERA- expected earned run average- converts a pitchers expected weighted on-base average (xwOBA) into a traditional ERA scale. Showing what a pitchers ERA should look like based purely on the Walks, SO’s, and quality of contact.

Chase %- tracks the percentage of pitches a player swings at outside of the strike zone. A high Chase % is great because it means they are fooling hitters.

Whiff %- tracks the percentage of total swings where the batter misses the ball completely. High Whiff % is ideal for pitchers and dangerous for hitters.

K %- tracks the percentage of total batters faced (for pitchers) that end in a strike out.

Got it? Good let’s move on and take a trip around the AL Central naming the pitchers who suck at baseball. We start our visit to the mound in the south side of Chicago with the White Sox who have received some major boosts from young pitching developing this season. The guy we chose is actually a guy they acquired at the deadline as their GM wanted another starter. Frankly he could have done much better than this guy as his season has been truly awful. I will stall no longer the lucky winner is none other than Luis Castillo:

Castillo made 4 starts for the Mariners before being traded to the White Sox and has made one start for them on 8/6/26

Stats from 07/26 to 8/6/26:

0-3 w/l, 6.33 ERA, 18 SO, 7 BB, 35 H, 19 R, 8 HR, 27 IP, and a FIP of 6.39

Savant 2026: xERA 4.86 in the 22nd percentile, xBA .269 in the 15th percentile, Chase % 32.4 in the 70th percentile, Whiff % 23.8 in the 40th percentile, K % 19.7 in the 19th percentile

Analysis: In his last 5 starts his ERA has not been pretty and that goes for his fielding independent pitching (FIP) with his debut with the ChiSox being less than spectacular. Even his x ERA couldn’t save him as it was almost 5.00. While he is better than 70% of major leaguers at getting batters to chase his pitches it has not translated to success. His Whiff % and K % being lower in percentile he just not getting guys to swing and miss. Most leagues pitchers contribute in these standard categories: ERA, WHIP, W, SO, and Saves (which doesn’t apply to starters). So realistically you are expecting your starting pitcher to provide value in 4 categories and that is just not the case with Castillo. At 33 he may finally be starting to lose some of the stuff that has made him a good pitcher for most of his tenure in a Seattle and some of his tenure in Cincinnati. Bottom line ”this guy sucks” and you sir Luis Castillo have made the Sucks at Baseball List 2026: AL Central Edition!

We mosey on to Minnesota and the very much hated (by me) Twinkies I mean Twins and I thought this one wouldn’t prove to be tough. Joe Ryan, who was just placed on the IL, has not looked too bad outside his last couple starts; while Bailey Ober sports a 7-4 record with a 4.64 ERA, 1.23 WHIP, and only 67 SO’s on the year. Obviously they just haven’t done poor enough to make the list despite my best attempts to find something wrong with them. Yet I still wouldn’t say they are productive players on a championship fantasy team. The honor of sucking enough to earn a spot on this list belongs to another trade deadline acquisition in Dean Kremer:

Let’s face it if you are rostering this guy you are scraping the bottom of the barrel for some productive starts.

Stats 7/1/26 to 8/10/26: 7 starts, 5 w/the Orioles and 2 w/the Twins, 2-3 w/l, 5.59 ERA, 31 SO, 8 BB, 34 H, 23 R, 8 HR, 37 IP, and a 5.20 FIP

Savant 2026: xERA 4.24 in the 42nd percentile, xBA .239 in the 49th percentile, Chase % 31.1 in the 57th percentile, Whiff % 27.2 in the 64th percentile, K % 24.2 in the 63rd percentile

Analysis: Yes, does Kremer have a Chase %, Whiff %, and K % above 50% of the league with two of them better than 60% of the league, he does. This guy though serves up meatballs and gives beaten to a pulp with hits, HR’s, and has benefitted from having decent offenses behind him. He will balloon your ERA and WHIP ratios and might come out with a W and a few SO’s, but you do not want him toting the rock for your fantasy team down stretch. Do yourself a favor remove the uncertainty from your roster, or if he’s free leave him be and your team will be better for it. Dean Kremer you sir have made the Sucks at Baseball List 2026: AL Central Edition!

We leave are almost canadian friends to head back to Detroit who as of this writing are in second place in the Central division. As we leave the funny accents behind we find ourselves a pitcher who was signed to big money contract not living up to what he was paid to do. The Detroit Kitties I mean Tigers traded Tarik Skubal to the Dodgers, and yet they have surged back into the division race and playoff race. However, that is due in no part to this next individual the former Astro Framber Valdez:

Stats in July: 4 starts, 1-2 w/l, 7.64 ERA, 15 SO, 7 BB, 21 H, 15 R, 14 ER, 2 HR, 17.2 IP, and a 4.73 FIP

Savant 2026: xERA 4.30 in the 40th percentile, xBA .255 in the 30th percentile, Chase % 31.6 in the 60 percentile, Whiff % 20.7 in the 14th percentile, K % 18.5 in the 23rd percentile

This little kitty I mean Tiger has not pitched well all season killing Detroit on the field with his play and off with his contract. If you haven’t given up on Valdez yet do so now he’s not going help you win your league this year. His Chase % is better than 60% of major leaguers but that is the only thing he has going for him. If you have him in Dynasty hold him, hope we have a season next year, hope he gets back to baseline, and trade him before he falls off the cliff again. In redraft I’m not even entertaining the idea of having this guy in my rotation the rest of the way. Framber Valdez you sir have made the Sucks at Baseball List 2026: AL Central Edition!

Back down I-75 and I-80 for another 2 hour 39 minute drive to those posers in Cleveland. The pitching factory does still continue here so I couldn’t find a guy, outside of Slade Cecconi who was moved to the bullpen, that has done truly poor. As much as I wanted Tanner Bibee to be on this list he’s actually pitched extremely well despite what his record may say. “The Big Rig” Gavin Williams is doing Ace things and Parker Messick should be at the top of the rookie of the year award list. So I went to a 30 something journeyman whom the Guardians acquired at the deadline in Foster Griffin:

Stats from 7/3/26 to 8/6/26: 6 starts, 4-2 w/l, 4.37 ERA, 24 SO, 7 BB, 39 H, 17 R, 5 HR, 35 IP, and a 4.18 FIP

Savant 2026: xERA 4.09 in the 49th percentile, xBA .250 38th percentile, Whiff % 24.3 in the 45th percentile, Chase % 32.8 in the 74th percentile, K % in the 47th percentile

Now obviously these stats aren’t horrendous by any means, but Griffin no doubt benefitted from a good young offense in DC during July. Once he came to Cleveland though he turned back into a pumpkin like Cinderella‘s carriage, and this time he didn’t have the offense to back him and pick him up. Do not be fooled by this guys numbers yes they are as good as any SP, and yes he’s entered the pitching factory in Cleveland, but he no longer has the offense to back him up when he has a rough start. This Cleveland team is flailing down the stretch and it is likely they’ll bring a pitcher like Foster Griffin down with them 6 feet deep. Hit eject button and get away from Griffin now, and though it pains me to do this again, I must remain unbiased when discussing fantasy. Foster Griffin you sir have made the Sucks at Baseball List 2026: AL Central Edition!

Finally we arrive at statistically and record wise the worst team in the Kansas City Royals. This was probably the easiest one after the Tigers because the Royals pitching has been absolutely disgusting. This guy had once been a go to pitcher for the Royals over the last few years since he arrived in KC, but no longer is this 36 year old veteran that guy. Let me introduce you to the pitcher who sucks more than the Royals bullpen… wait for it…. Seth Lugo:

Stats in July: 6 starts, 1-1 w/l, 4.32 ERA, 27 SO, 10 BB, 35 H, 20 R, 16 ER, 33.1 IP, and a 4.77 FIP

Savant 2026: xERA 5.26 in the 11th percentile, xBA .277 in the 9th percentile, Chase % 25.1 in the 4th percentile, Whiff % 18.5 in the 6th percentile, K % 18.2 in the 20th percentile

No mas amigo! No mas! It is time to put this dog down and send him over the rainbow bridge. My apologies and condolences if anyone is dealing with the loss of an actual dog while reading this. Kansas City and more importantly Lego are done for, and maybe his face card isn’t that bad, it’s long past due to give Lugo the boot. You do not need him to win a championship because he will only hurt your chances. Seth Lugo you sir have made the Sucks at Baseball List 2026: AL Central Edition!

Here we are the end of our tour. Was it a fun one? Well, if you call being told who sucks at baseball a good thing then I guess it was fun. As I leave you with part 2 of the AL Central Edition: The Pitchers! Look for the third installation of this series as we travel out west to the teams of the AL West. I hope you enjoyed reading this article. Until next time your friendly neighborhood KANGASMAN flys away!

By: KANGASMAN

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